Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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