Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize