One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
