Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
