i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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