Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
