My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize