I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
