Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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