you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
