I hope mine doesn't look like that
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
