I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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