And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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