Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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