6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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