i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
