So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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