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• (323): View more from California

  I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.

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• (209): View more from California

  HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  "I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.

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• (951): View more from California

  I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved

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• (707): View more from California

  Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.

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• (595): View more from

  In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.

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• (639): View more from

  you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.

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• (714): View more from California

  Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.

  (206): View more from Washington

  Definitely not.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....

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