By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
