So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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