OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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