I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
