Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
