My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
