32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
