wanna go halves on a baby?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize