i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My vagina is very pro this idea
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
