It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
