the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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