Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she was so not down for the gang bang
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
