I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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