Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this boner is exhausting
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
