i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
