First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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