I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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