remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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