Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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