my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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