She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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