You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
