this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
