I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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