it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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