Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My pussy is not your playground.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
