My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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