everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
