i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You took a bar mat shot.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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