i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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