I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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