If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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