It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
