He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
