textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
