Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
