Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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