In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
