so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
