hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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