How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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