I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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