Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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