I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
operation have a gay friend backfired
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
