A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
