Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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