You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
