no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
